You know those people you see on the news after some kind of disaster? Somehow, those reporters always manage to find the dumbest people to interview - people with only six teeth and fewer IQ points. Well, I’m starting to think that those idiots are multiplying exponentially, and they’re beginning to speak out more and more! What’s particularly mortifying to me is that many of these outspoken morons are from my home state.

Today, for instance, I was reading an article on Yahoo! and was disappointed to see an editorial comment about stem cell research from some guy in Indianapolis. Here is the exact quote: “If stem cells were proved to prolong life, rather than just imagined to do so, we would need no research.” Brilliant, huh? Obviously, the guy’s a little confused about the scientific process. I mean, how are you going to prove something without doing research?

I ran across another doozy in the Indianapolis Star last week. A woman was outraged at an article that dared to mention a new mother was breastfeeding her child. The editorial writer insisted that this detail was offensive and unnecessary since breastfeeding has nothing to do with giving birth. Hmm… has she tried to breastfeed a child without giving birth first?

Most of these morons seem to be very conservative. I don’t know if that’s a cause or an effect: are they morons because they’re conservative or are they conservative because they’re morons? Not sure which is the case, but there certainly appears to be some kind of connection. Maybe they’re just really poor writers, and they need help expressing their ideas more clearly.

Whatever the reason, they’re only adding to the state’s reputation for being backward. Indiana has more fat people and more smokers than the rest of the country. We also lose more of our college graduates than most other states. So I guess we’re left with all the uneducated people who eat and smoke all they want, ignoring the wisdom of medical science. Hey, now, that explains the two idiots above pretty well, huh?