For several years now, the GOP has been selling itself as the party of “family values,” the party of good, Christian church-goers, the party of the “moral majority.”

Hmm…

Now we hear that Representative Mark Foley, a Republican representative from Florida (land of Jeb Bush and voting debacles), has resigned suddenly after he was discovered to have sent inappropriate and sexually suggestive e-mails and text messages to a minor. That minor was also male. So Foley resigned and checked himself into alcohol rehabilitation. The new family values trifecta: underage solicitation, homosexuality, addiction.

And it just gets uglier. Several high-ranking GOP leaders actually knew about Foley’s relationship with this Congressional page and did little about it except to warn Foley to stop. Way to protect the kids, guys!

For those people who actually bought the whole “We’re-the-family-values-party” routine, the Foley scandal must be shocking and upsetting. To the rest of us, though, this is just another log on a big bonfire.

In 2004, Ed Schrock, a Republican representative from Virginia and co-sponsor of anti-homosexual legislation, resigned after his gay phone sex conversations were uncovered. Can you say “fraud,” boys and girls?

That same year Representative Don Sherwood’s (R-Pa) extramarital affair with a woman 40 years his junior was exposed when the girlfriend called 911 because Sherwood was choking her. Most people would consider that adultery and assault. Of course, Sherwood claims he was just giving her a backrub. Oh, and did I mention that he initially denied the affair and only admitted it later. Okay, so let me summarize: lying, adultery, assault or just rough foreplay if you buy Sherwood’s version. Busy guy. And I thought Republicans hated men who cheated on their wives and then lied about it! Didn’t they have a field day with Clinton for just that? Evidently, it doesn’t bother them too much when one of their own does it. Sherwood was re-elected!

In another tale of adultery, Republican representative Steve LaTourette of Ohio cheated on his wife with an aide and set her up with a firm that lobbied the Transportation Committee of which he was a member. Adultery AND conflict of interest. Nice.

You’d think a group that prides itself on family and Christian values would really try to follow Christ’s teachings and keep their families together, right? After all, Jesus warned of the dangers of divorce multiple times. Yet Congressional Republicans have enough divorces among them to make the state of Nevada blush with shame. Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) is not only divorced but doesn’t even speak to his three daughters by his first wife. Obviously a true family man.

Then there’s my favorite conservative pundit, Rush Limbaugh, who has drug problems which everyone knows about although he doesn’t admit them. He’s also divorced - three times. No kids, thank heavens. I can’t imagine how sorry I would feel for any children fathered by that man.

Of course, everyone has issues. Some of my favorite people are divorced, gay or struggling with drugs and alcohol. I have no problem with divorcees, homosexuals or recovering addicts.

Hypocrites, however, really honk me off.

Republicans have been touting themselves as representatives of morality, virtue, Christianity, and family and trying to set the rest of us up as the “Anti.” I’m not perfect, but I can say that I’ve never cheated on my husband, never been divorced, never had sex or been tempted to have sex with a minor, never had a homosexual affair of any kind, and never been addicted to anything. I can’t speak for every Democrat in the country, but judging from the number of Republicans who’ve been caught in these messes, I’d say our percentage is better.

Is the Democratic Party perfect? Not by any stretch. Although off the top of my head, I can remember only two scandals in the Democratic Party: Teddy Kennedy’s stupid stunt at Chappaquiddick and Clinton/Lewinsky. The Chappaquiddick nightmare was in 1969. Let’s see, since then, the Republican Party has not only given us all the disgraces listed above, but two of the most outrageous scandals in American history - Watergate and the Iran-Contra affair.

Hopefully, Mark Foley’s shameful conduct will be a wake-up call for some people. The GOP does not represent the kind of values Americans want to foster in our families. It’s time to tell them so. Vote on November 7th, folks. Send the GOP a message: these are not our values!

References:

• C. Hulse & R. Hernandez, NY Times, 10/1/06
• C. Schecter, Huffingtonpost.com, 10/1/06
• wikipedia.org: Don Sherwood, Mitch McConnell, Ed Schrock
• K. Muse, rushlimbaughonline.com, 6/04

I was in a doctor’s office waiting room this afternoon, trying to keep my restless kids occupied when I heard the most extraordinary line spoken on the TV: “I’ll show that mermaid a thing or two about catching men!” Looking up at the screen, I was astonished to see something that very much resembled what we used to call in my day “a soap opera.”

At first, I thought it must be a spoof, some rerun of a “Saturday Night Live” skit. Could this really be a daytime drama? Turns out that, yes, it was indeed a soap opera called “Passions.” Evidently, this show has been on for several years now. Where have I been?

Obviously not watching soap operas.

I’m fascinated by trends in television; I believe they say a lot about a culture. And at one time, I was a soap opera junkie. In high school, I would rush home from class to catch “General Hospital” every day. It was back in the days of Frisco (pre-Melrose Place Jack Wagner) and Felicia (Kristina Malandro). In college, it was all about “Days of Our Lives” and the Bo and Hope saga. And I wasn’t the only one. My friends and classmates were all addicted too. We talked about our favorite characters’ latest trials and tribulations over lunch. But the storylines back then were all about romance and scandal. Yes, they were over-the-top and extreme, but everything that happened on the show was possible. Not probable, but possible.

Mermaids?

I did a little research and learned that “Passions” has always had fantastical storylines like this one. They’ve had talking dolls and witches too. Evidently, it’s quite successful. And “Passions” isn’t the only one. I’m told “One Life to Live” has featured UFO’s, and a now-defunct soap called “Port Charles” had a vampire. What’s going on?

Well, I have a theory. When all the TV writers threatened to go on strike a few years back, TV producers struck back by creating “reality shows” that didn’t require writing teams. The strategy actually worked, and TV has been filled with “reality” ever since. My theory is that soap operas are taking up the fantasy slack. Since “Survivor,” “American Idol,” and “Project Runway” are so rooted in real people’s quests, TV audiences need a little escapism. With little fantasy to fill our evenings, soap operas are sweeping in to give a little fantasy in the daytime.

Do mermaids, witches and vampires belong in daytime drama? Who am I to say? After all, TV is all about entertainment, right? And I gotta admit, mermaids are sure more entertaining than some of those idiots on “American Idol!”