Every August when the football season starts, I weep openly. For joy. Yes, I really do love football that much.

I have been told that it is inappropriate for women to love sports. I’ve had chauvinist pigs tell me that I was faking it to try to impress the guys around me or to try to get a date. I’ve had my fellow women tell me that being a sports fan was betrayal of my own gender because sports reinforce misogyny and patriarchy.

Whatever.

Here’s why I love sports and football in particular:

1. The strategy - I love pretty much any game in which you have to out-think your opponent. From euchre to chess to football, I love the battle of wits. Maybe that’s also why I do not enjoy games of chance - poker, roulette, slots. No brains involved. BO-RING!
2. The athleticism - The way athletes can manipulate their own bodies never ceases to amaze me. To watch a great athlete in action is to appreciate the magnificence of the human machine. Is God a great inventor or what? Often I just sit there in awe of what these people can do and wish I could too!
3. The pageantry - There is a ritual to sports that I believe fills a void in modern life. For centuries, human beings used rites and ceremonies and celebrations to bind their societies, to share common values and experiences. Many of these rituals have been allowed to disappear, but sports offer a kind of substitute. From the national anthem to the shaking of hands at the end of a game, sports provide their millions of fans the opportunities to come together for an event of which they all share a basic understanding.
4. The adrenaline - When my favorite teams (the Indianapolis Colts, the Indiana Pacers, Indiana University Hoosiers) are playing, I am super-charged. It’s better than drugs, safer and cheaper too!
5. The personalities - Human beings are fascinating. Super-talented human beings are intoxicating. I am addicted to watching the drama that unfolds when egomaniacs collide at umpteen miles an hour. And it’s not just the athletes! There are the coaches, the announcers, the officials, even the fans! Remember that idiot Ron Artest and the bigger Detroit fan idiots who thought it’d be a good idea to throw things at a very big, very strong, very fast professional athlete? Sure, that incident was disturbing, but it sure wasn’t boring!
6. The sex appeal - Some of my girlfriends think I’m not very feminine because I love sports. All I can say is - ARE THEY BLIND?! Or maybe they’re lesbians. I always thought that part of being feminine was being attracted to men. Where else but in sports can you watch hot, sweaty, super-fit guys in tight pants beat the crap out of each other for your entertainment for free? Sure, if you want to see them in person, you have to pay an arm and a leg. But I’d rather pay to see Tiki Barber (who is not only an amazing receiver, but also a smart man and great dad) than some exotic dancer. (Male strippers creep me out a bit.) Plus, if you’re a woman who likes men, it pays to like sports since you’re usually surrounded by a lot of male fans too.

My Colts are 2-0 so far. So are my husband’s Patriots. (I know, I know. Believe me, it’s a difficulty in our marriage that we struggle with every season.) So far, the football season is great. But in just a couple more weeks, we’ll be entering that fabulous and fleeting period that I adore: those brief weeks when football, basketball and baseball are all going AT THE SAME TIME!!! Hopefully, my Yankees will be in the MLB playoffs while the NBA is in preseason and the NFL is in full swing.

Anyone have a Kleenex?