The US government’s top analysts released the National Intelligence Estimate report yesterday. According to the report, the Iraq War has become a “cause celebre” for radical Muslims whose numbers are increasing all over the world. “If the trend continues, the analysts found, the risks to the U.S. interests at home and abroad will grow,” reports Associated Press writer Katherine Shrader (White House refuses to release full NIE, 9/27/06).

This is news? I’m no government analyst or terrorist expert, but I’ve been saying this for years now! Anyone with common sense and the slightest insight into human nature could tell you that if you attack a country and occupy it for years, you are going to create more problems than you solve. For every innocent civilian killed accidentally, we create fifty new and motivated enemies out to get revenge. It is so much easier for people to hate an outsider than one of their own. Iraqis may have hated Saddam Hussein, but after four years of American occupation, most of them now hate us more.
Not only is this NOT news, the conservative reaction is completely predictable. Over the past 6 years, they have come up with a three-fold strategy for dealing with the revelations of their mistakes:

1. Cover up as much of it as possible for as long as possible.
2. Blame the media and liberals for the mistake and for “misrepresenting” it as such.
3. Backpedal by re-defining terms and qualifying previous claims.

So the White House is not releasing the full National Intelligence Estimate. (We’ll probably get it all later. Most likely, after the November elections.)
And Republicans are blasting the media for leaking parts of the report, claiming that such leaks aid al-Qaeda and hurt our anti-terrorism efforts. Please. The American media could never put this country in any more danger than this fruitless war has done. No leak of already obvious information will help al-Qaeda more than our military efforts have. The US offensive has probably been the single most important catalyst to al-Qaeda’s recruitment efforts.

Finally, we get the re-write of history; we’re told that we misunderstood what the administration was telling us when they justified the invasion. The American people are obviously idiots; when we heard that our action was necessary “to make the world safer,” (whitehouse.gov, news release 3/6/03) what we were really supposed to hear was that until every terrorist was wiped out, the world would actually be far more dangerous because of the war.

One of my fellow Hoosiers wrote an amusing letter to the editor of the Indianapolis Star today, saying that this intelligence report is getting too much credit. Are you kidding? It’s nothing like the credit conservatives gave to the “weapons of mass destruction” intelligence report. And let’s not forget that most of these intelligence analysts are not politicos. They don’t get shuffled every time a different party comes to power. A lot of the same people who were involved in the initial intelligence to justify the Iraq invasion were involved in this report.

Why are conservatives so hesitant to believe this NIE report when they were so eager to believe the WMD report? Of course, you could ask why liberals are so willing to believe this report when we disavow the WMD report. Well, I believed the WMD claim until none showed up. In four years, I might add. And this NIE report just makes sense. I always find it easier to believe something that makes sense, don’t you?

Anyway, I’m getting very tired of being told I’m an idiot by this administration. I know what I heard. I can even pull it up on the White House’s press release database. George W. Bush said invading Iraq would make us all safer. It didn’t. Wrong again, Mr. President.

843 days left in his term…

I have a lot of ex-boyfriends.

In fact, I have so many ex-boyfriends, I wrote an entire book about them. There is an art to being an ex-girlfriend, and I have always prided myself on being a pretty darn good one. I am actually friends with most of my exes. One of them introduced me to my husband and was best man in our wedding. Another helped his mother make my wedding cake, and several others were in attendance at the ceremony. Many of my exes are e-mail correspondents; others I see during the holidays at various get-togethers. I can honestly say that I hold no grudges against any of my exes, and I feel I’ve always treated them well.

Except one.

My last long-term boyfriend before my husband (I’ll call him Jay) was a college student working his way through school when we dated. He wanted to be a high school math teacher and football coach. We were a bad match from the beginning, but for various reasons, we ended up staying together for almost two years. When it was finally over, we didn’t see much need to keep in touch. Although I heard of him through mutual friends, I didn’t speak to him or even see him for many years. To be honest, Jay hadn’t crossed my mind in a very long time.

Last night my sister told me he had cancer.

Today, I’ve thought of little else but Jay. Things I hadn’t thought of in years have been running through my mind all day. The way he used to order his McDonald’s cheeseburgers without pickles so he could be sure they’d make them fresh. The really stupid, inappropriate “gifts” he used to give me simply because he got them free from the hardware store he worked at. The night we were taking a walk in Florida and ran across an armadillo; Jay took its picture, and the animal got confused by the flash and ran toward Jay, who bolted in terror, leaving me laughing hysterically.

We all have friends who leave our lives for one reason or another. Sometimes they move away; sometimes you just lose touch because you grow apart. I don’t know about others, but I’ve always put those lost friends in a special place in my head. I pack them away and assume that they’re okay, that they’re happy and healthy and safe. It is a very odd feeling, one I have literally never experienced before, to know that someone who was once very close to you, perhaps closer than anyone else on the planet, is gravely ill. Although we have not spoken to each other in almost a decade, Jay and I were once rather crazy about one another. Strangely, I had forgotten all about that in the past ten years. It saddens me that it would take a tragedy for me to finally see the value of it.

For so many women today, being an ex-girlfriend means being bitter, angry, and tough. The women’s movement taught us that we don’t need men to feel good about ourselves, but a strange side effect seems to have been that we dismiss the whole relationship when one goes sour. Rather than admit there were parts of it that we liked (which might be construed as weakness), we toss out the whole thing. I didn’t do that with my other exes, but I did with Jay.

Although I wish it could have come about differently, I’m grateful that this has allowed me to see our relationship from a completely new perspective. Jay and I did have some fun together. He made me laugh. Most of the time, he made feel very good about myself. He was a hard-working, ambitious guy who didn’t always have a lot of time for romance. But we taught each other a lot, and I can now say that I’m glad we dated.

I hope he feels the same. And I hope he’s alright. For as my mother always said, “All relationships end except the last one.”

Dear Ms. Coulter,

I am one of the liberal, “pseudo-intellectuals” you dislike so much. I have a Master’s Degree in the English language, and I teach in a university, one of the bastions of the “intellectual elite” that you, Mao Zedong and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad all hate so much. Odd that you should have so much rancor for an institution that helped you achieve the wealth and success you now enjoy.

On several late-night talk shows recently, you have complained that liberals must not be very smart because we won’t debate you. I have a feeling you wouldn’t see much profit in debating me as I’m not famous, but if you ever see fit, I would be happy to engage in discussion with you. If you wouldn’t mind, though, I would prefer to do it in writing. You see, like many of my fellow liberals, I don’t think in sound bites. The complex issues facing our nation today seem to me to warrant a great deal of in-depth thought. When debating these issues, being able to come up with a quick retort is no virtue. In this case, speed and wit reveal a lack of understanding and an absence of appreciation for the severity of these problems. Being a great speaker does not make you a great mind. After all, Albert Einstein was not a great public speaker, but Adolf Hitler was.

You claim in your latest book that liberals are “Godless.” I have already written extensively on the fact that Jesus Christ was a liberal, so I will not go into it here. (Please see my blog entry “Jesus Was a Flaming Liberal” for more detail.) I am, however, intrigued by a declaration you made recently: “I’m a Christian first and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don’t you ever forget it.” In your infinite wisdom, perhaps you can explain how this statement can possibly make sense. Jesus Christ, the founder of our religion, was neither mean-spirited nor bigoted. In fact, he commanded that his followers should “love thy neighbor.” So if you are a Christian first, you cannot, in good faith, be consciously and intentionally mean or bigoted. Obviously, one of your claims must be false. As you have done little if anything to prove your Christianity, but you have often proven your hatred for your fellow man, I think anyone with a sense of logic can see that you are no Christian.

Your un-Christian behavior is most obvious in your treatment of the 9/11 widows. Calling them rude names, such as “Jersey Girls,” “witches of East Brunswick,” and “grieferazzi,” and belittling their anguish and anger is yet another example of how ironic your book’s title is. You accuse them of profiting from their husbands’ deaths; what exactly are you doing?

In addition to the 9/11 widows, you point to people such as Christopher Reeve, Cindy Sheehan and Max Cleland as figures used by liberals to promote their agenda. These people were not chosen as spokespeople by the Democratic Party; they chose to speak out against conservative policies all by themselves. You are upset that you cannot attack them as vociferously as you’d like to “because that would be questioning the authenticity of their suffering.” But here’s the real crux of the matter - conservatism only works if you’re lucky. If you’re lucky enough to be wealthy, you don’t have to care about healthcare costs or welfare. If you’re lucky enough not to have children serving in the military, you can support the war in Iraq with all the philosophical rhetoric you can dream up. If you’re lucky enough not to be afflicted with a life-shattering disease or injury, you can impose your ideals about stem cell research with no personal consequences. It is amazing how quickly people can change their minds when faced with adversity. If you were stricken with a spinal cord injury tomorrow, I bet you’d change your mind about stem cell research. If you were drafted tomorrow, I bet you’d change your position on the war in Iraq.

Another thing I would like to know is: why are you so angry? You, personally, seem to have a very nice life. You’re well-educated, wealthy, successful. Your party has had total control of the American government for six years now. Granted, in that time, gas prices have doubled. Violent crime in the U.S. is up by over 3%. More than 2600 American soldiers have died in Iraq. The number of Americans without health insurance has grown to 46.6 million. Conservatives seem to have done nothing to improve the lives of average Americans. You, however, are no average American. Your life looks pretty good to me. Why do you need to dish out so much rage when those of us struggling to get by manage to be civil?

Finally, I would like to ask you about your claim that your party represents “family values.” As a mouthpiece of your party, you are a completely inappropriate ambassador of such values. You are not married; you have no children. What right do you have to define “marriage” or “family?” What right do you have to tell parents how to raise their kids? Not only do you have no personal experience with raising a family in today’s society, you dress in a way that would scandalize every decent woman in my church, PTA and card club. Your appearance obviously has nothing to do with family values or Christian morals and everything to do with making money.

Believe it or not, I am smart enough to know I will not to stop you from dispensing hate, fear, and greed; nor do I believe that I will change any of your beliefs with my meager arguments. As I am no celebrity, I have little expectation that you will ever deign to respond to my questions. So here is what I wish for you: I wish that the safe and narrow path you tread will be rocked by change. I hope that you will have an experience or two that will challenge your small-minded convictions. Sadly, you have made enough money to insulate yourself from many such experiences. Perhaps life will eventually throw one your way, though. Then you would see that life is not comprised of simple, black-and-white pictures that can be controlled with simple, black-and-white policies; it is subtle, complicated, and shaded with gray. Should you ever come to that understanding, I will be glad to offer you a helping hand and say, “Welcome to the Real World, Ms. Coulter.”

Sincerely,

Jennifer Mahoney

Wife, mother, teacher, ex-Republican

Isn’t it ironic? The Republicans have been in total control for six years now. Ostensibly, they have been making Americans safer by fighting the war on terror. Supposedly, their main objective is to protect the American way of life, protect our freedoms, protect our prosperity.

The FBI, however, just reported that “there were nearly 1.4 million violent crimes reported last year, led by robbery, murder and aggravated assault” (Reuters, U.S. Violent Crime Rose in 2005, 9/18/06). Robberies and murders rose by more than 3%, and assaults rose by almost 2%. U.S. Deputy Attorney General Paul McNulty believes the rise in violent crimes is caused by increased gang involvement and methamphetamine use; he also believes the rates will continue to rise.

Thank God the President is working so hard to keep us safe, huh?

I don’t know about you, but I think I feel more threatened by the meth addicts and gang members that might live just a couple doors down than I do by the terrorists in Iraq.

It really isn’t all that surprising that violence is increasing. When people are poor, oppressed, frustrated and fighting to survive, they often behave desperately. Joining gangs or doing drugs are things that desperate people do.

Perhaps the Bush administration could try concentrating its energy on the struggles faced by Americans here at home. Protecting American jobs or finding ways to provide everyone with healthcare could help people afford to feed their families without resorting to crime. Finding realistic ways to educate our children could keep them out of gangs and off drugs. Americans don’t need to be preached at about morality; we don’t need to concentrate our strongest efforts on eliminating foreign terrorism. We need education. We need healthcare. We need jobs that will actually allow us to pay our bills and fill our gas tanks.

The Republicans have had the power; they have proven that they cannot improve our lives. In their hands, we have lost our jobs, our freedoms, our soldiers and our safety. Only 853 more days left in Bush’s term. Then we can start cleaning up this mess.

Every August when the football season starts, I weep openly. For joy. Yes, I really do love football that much.

I have been told that it is inappropriate for women to love sports. I’ve had chauvinist pigs tell me that I was faking it to try to impress the guys around me or to try to get a date. I’ve had my fellow women tell me that being a sports fan was betrayal of my own gender because sports reinforce misogyny and patriarchy.

Whatever.

Here’s why I love sports and football in particular:

1. The strategy - I love pretty much any game in which you have to out-think your opponent. From euchre to chess to football, I love the battle of wits. Maybe that’s also why I do not enjoy games of chance - poker, roulette, slots. No brains involved. BO-RING!
2. The athleticism - The way athletes can manipulate their own bodies never ceases to amaze me. To watch a great athlete in action is to appreciate the magnificence of the human machine. Is God a great inventor or what? Often I just sit there in awe of what these people can do and wish I could too!
3. The pageantry - There is a ritual to sports that I believe fills a void in modern life. For centuries, human beings used rites and ceremonies and celebrations to bind their societies, to share common values and experiences. Many of these rituals have been allowed to disappear, but sports offer a kind of substitute. From the national anthem to the shaking of hands at the end of a game, sports provide their millions of fans the opportunities to come together for an event of which they all share a basic understanding.
4. The adrenaline - When my favorite teams (the Indianapolis Colts, the Indiana Pacers, Indiana University Hoosiers) are playing, I am super-charged. It’s better than drugs, safer and cheaper too!
5. The personalities - Human beings are fascinating. Super-talented human beings are intoxicating. I am addicted to watching the drama that unfolds when egomaniacs collide at umpteen miles an hour. And it’s not just the athletes! There are the coaches, the announcers, the officials, even the fans! Remember that idiot Ron Artest and the bigger Detroit fan idiots who thought it’d be a good idea to throw things at a very big, very strong, very fast professional athlete? Sure, that incident was disturbing, but it sure wasn’t boring!
6. The sex appeal - Some of my girlfriends think I’m not very feminine because I love sports. All I can say is - ARE THEY BLIND?! Or maybe they’re lesbians. I always thought that part of being feminine was being attracted to men. Where else but in sports can you watch hot, sweaty, super-fit guys in tight pants beat the crap out of each other for your entertainment for free? Sure, if you want to see them in person, you have to pay an arm and a leg. But I’d rather pay to see Tiki Barber (who is not only an amazing receiver, but also a smart man and great dad) than some exotic dancer. (Male strippers creep me out a bit.) Plus, if you’re a woman who likes men, it pays to like sports since you’re usually surrounded by a lot of male fans too.

My Colts are 2-0 so far. So are my husband’s Patriots. (I know, I know. Believe me, it’s a difficulty in our marriage that we struggle with every season.) So far, the football season is great. But in just a couple more weeks, we’ll be entering that fabulous and fleeting period that I adore: those brief weeks when football, basketball and baseball are all going AT THE SAME TIME!!! Hopefully, my Yankees will be in the MLB playoffs while the NBA is in preseason and the NFL is in full swing.

Anyone have a Kleenex?