Older people tell me to savor this time in my life when my children are small. “It’s the best time of your life,” they tell me. I believe them in a way. After all, these are people who have lived a lot longer than I have. They’ve raised children of their own, and they have a perspective that I do not. So I have to trust them. And I want to heed their advice, really I do. Most of the time, though, I just don’t have the time or the energy to enjoy things the way I am supposed to.

Like all moms, I have those amazing, wonderful moments with my kids. The moment when my baby girl, smiling all over with pride, takes four steps from the couch to my arms. The moment when my kindergartner gives me a big hug and says, “I love you, Mommy.” Those very rare moments when an adult says, “Wow, you’re a good mom.” The tough thing is that these moments all add up to about 90 seconds out of my day.

The other 23 hours, 58 minutes and 30 seconds are filled with meals to be made, messes to be cleaned, errands to be run, diapers to be changed, complaints to be resolved, demands to be met, dangers to be averted, boo-boos and illnesses to be dealt with, arguments to be mediated, chores to be completed, bills to be paid. That doesn’t allow for much time to relish the joys of motherhood and marriage.

Instead, my mind wanders back to a time when it was just me and my husband, when Saturday night meant takeout Chinese food, a bottle of wine, a rented movie and sex. I sometimes envy my parents and their friends, retired but still young and healthy. Their kids are grown; they enjoy their grandkids an afternoon or two a week. They spend most of their time, though, puttering around the house, visiting with friends, playing golf or tennis or cards, going on vacations. If this is the time of my life, why do they look so much happier, more relaxed and better rested?

I’m starting to believe it’s a generational conspiracy, perpetrated to guarantee the continuation of the species. Old people tell their kids how great parenthood is so they will provide grandchildren. Come to think of it, it’s also a pretty good way for our parents to get even with us for how rotten we were to them!

So for most parents, most days are mostly hard and exhausting and frustrating and stressful. Just try to hang onto those sweet moments, and remember, you’re having the time of your life!